5 Strategies for Coping with Social Anxiety

As COVID-19 slowly comes to an end, social situations are back! Even if you didn’t have social anxiety in the past, you may be dreading to go to the things you once used to look forward to such as parties, family gatherings, or even concerts.

It may feel almost like you forgot how to do these social events. How do we start the conversation? What if someone actually has COVID and they don’t know yet? So many nerve-wracking questions.  

Thankfully, you are not the only one. About 12% of Americans were already experiencing social anxiety even before the COVID pandemic. Additionally, with the isolation and health protections during the pandemic, many more of us started to feel nervous going to social events.

Most often, social anxiety ends up being hidden, under the surface for many people. Even the closest people to you, may not feel comfortable sharing these distressing feelings. In the cases where social anxiety is debilitating, it’s best to ask for help from an experienced professional such as a therapist, hypnotherapist, or medical professional.

However, there are also some small adjustments that you can make that will help you get more and more comfortable in social situations.

1. Focus on them instead of yourself

Social anxiety usually happens because the focus is all internal. Imagine being extremely anxious and meanwhile, your thoughts are “They know I am anxious, so embarrassing!”, “What if I mess it up”, or “They will quickly figure out that I am a fluke”. How uncomfortable is that!? This is because your whole focus is internal, you are focusing on your thoughts and feelings. The more you focus on anxious thoughts, the more anxious you will feel.

Shift your focus and whenever you find that you focus on negative thoughts and how you feel, instead focus on the person right across you. Pay attention to their posture, tone of voice, really listen to what they are saying, and ask questions. Think about what may be going through in their mind.

This focus shift will help you release the anxiety even if it’s for a short time. Meanwhile, you can have a genuine connection with others because you are actually paying attention to them.

2. Remember, many people don’t really pay attention to you

Think of yourself in a meeting. How many times have you found yourself wondering about irrelevant things rather than the topic? Or how many times you were worried about other things in your life that you paid no attention to the presenter? The answer probably is: Many! 

The same thing applies to other people around you. Whether you are at a party, networking event, or meeting, the truth is, most people pay little to no attention to you or your way of being. While you may be worried about what they may think of you, your clothes, or your conversation, their mind actually is stuck in something totally different!

3. Normalize your feelings 

Many people who experience intense social anxiety may be rejecting themselves and getting frustrated with their emotions and reactions. It may feel like “Why can’t I be normal like other people!”. The truth is, the more you reject yourself, the more resistance you would be creating within. After all, we cannot change anything we don’t accept.

Really pay attention to your triggers and try to understand your emotions. Understand that although they may not be sharing their emotions with you, many people actually experience social anxiety.

4. Expose yourself to social situations on purpose

The best way to overcome anything is to do it! Put yourself in uncomfortable social situations and see how you are handling them. In the beginning, you may feel uncomfortable but the more you challenge yourself, the more confidence you can build.

Start by putting yourself into the most challenging situation. Is it networking meetings in which you don’t know anyone? Is it leading a meeting at work? Volunteer and purposefully place yourself in those situations. The more you challenge yourself and see that you have the abilities to handle social situations, the more comfortable you will get.

5. Try a self-improvement tool

Often social anxiety is also fueled by other stressors or insecurities we may have. Self-improvement tools such as meditation, self-hypnosis, or mindfulness can help. These tools can help manage daily tensions effectively while we train our minds and body to be calm and present.

Additionally, you can use these tools to visualize and imagine yourself handling social situations easily and confidently. Visualization has magic to it. The more you use visualization, the more your mind perceives it as reality!