4 Daily Practices to Change Your Negative Self-Talk
“The darkness, the loop of negative thoughts on repeat, clamours and interferes with the music I hear in my head” ~ Lady Gaga
Recently I was invited to give a motivational speech for the sales department of a big company. I am usually not a big speech person, and when it happens, I take some time to really practice and be ready to perform.
This time around though, as the date got closer and closer, I realized that I hardly believed in myself. I was practicing, getting ready, and really preparing a killer material but for some reason, I didn’t have that comfortable feeling of confidence.
Two nights before my speech, I realized it; it was my negative self-talk! I was the first one to put myself down before anyone else. I already demolished my presentation in my mind before even anyone heard it!
We all have negative self-talk however, we each have different triggers. Mostly, these triggers come from our subconscious beliefs and insecurities.
Negative self-talk blocks our success
We quickly put ourselves down when we doubt ourselves and our skills. If you struggle with anxiety, low self-esteem, fears, or impostor syndrome, you may have intense negative self-talk taking place in your mind on a daily basis.
The problem with negative self-talk is, it feeds into anticipation, negative expectation, and negative beliefs about self. As a result, even in the events that you could easily be successful, you would be sabotaging your success by not believing in yourself. Sometimes you may even avoid certain situations because of the negative self-talk. Instead, if you continued on, maybe you would’ve been successful.
Think about my case. The night before my presentation I was filling my mind with phrases such as “Nobody really cares about this information, I will come off as boring, I am not a good presenter, etc.”. If my negative self-talk was more intense, maybe I would even cancel the speech with a silly excuse. As a result, I would’ve missed out on lots of future and present opportunities that could’ve helped me excel in my career and personal life overall.
In other words, internal negative self-talk is a barrier that we all need to overcome. Professional help such as therapy, hypnosis, or other modalities is always available to help.
But there are also some daily practices that you can adopt and will help replace your negative self-talk with encouragement.
1- Count your accomplishments
It’s easy to go through the day and not acknowledge your hard work and success. Sometimes we set our eyes on a big goal and unless we accomplish that one big goal, no other achievement counts. How disappointing!
Behind all of our accomplishments -big or small!- we have lots of effort, emotionally and mentally. Therefore, all of our efforts deserve acknowledgment and celebration. This is also what supplies us with lots of energy and motivation to keep going forward.
At the end of the day, review your day and count your achievements. Remember, these achievements can be big or small, it doesn’t matter!
For some people, saying “no” to bread can be a great accomplishment while for others waking up a bit earlier than usual is an achievement. The point is every positive step towards your goals counts. Count every step of your progress, effort, and victory.
2- Change the “what if” scenarios
If you pay attention to your negative self-talk, you will realize that it’s filled with negative “what if” scenarios. These are mostly things that didn’t happen and probably won’t happen. So why waste time and so much energy on feeding into scenarios that are absolutely untrue?
When you find that you are dwelling on negative “what ifs” replace them with positive ones. Rumi has a quote that applies here so well. He says “Do not worry that your life is turning upside down. How do you know that the side you are used to is better than the one to come?”
In most scenarios, there is about a 50% chance things can go wrong, right? That means there is still a 50% chance that things could go absolutely right! Maybe even better!
Ask yourself, how would everything unfold if it was even better than you could imagine? Start stirring your imagination on that positive scenario!
3- Review your virtues
We all have wonderful gifts, strengths, and qualities that make us special. At times, with negative life events or things that we hear from others, we may forget who we are. Especially when the negative self-talk adds in, it may be hard to believe in our own virtues.
Always remember that you have a strong side that helped you get to where you are, and now, it’s time to trust in that part more than ever. Your subconscious mind and body hold an incredible amount of wisdom and knowledge that you may not even be aware of.
Every night, before you sleep, review your virtues. Maybe you used some of them on that particular day, or maybe you feel it glowing right within. If you like writing, journaling about your virtues could also be a great subconscious reinforcement.
4- Own your success
Another side effect of negative self-talk is attributing success to different things other than ourselves. For example, you may see your success as happening by luck, with someone else’s help, or just a coincidence. But without your hard work, effort, and sacrifice, you wouldn’t even come close to what you have at hand!
It’s time to own every aspect of your success and be proud!
Pay attention to the steps that you took that got you closer to your goal. Or when you accomplish a goal, really take time to celebrate and feel the proud feelings within. Don’t underestimate your efforts.
Be the first one to be grateful for yourself and your efforts. Add this to your daily practice because you accomplish something one way or another on a daily basis. If you don’t pay attention to them, they may simply slip away from your awareness!