4 Core Principles of Changing Any Habit

Maybe it’s the killer smoking habit for you or eating uncontrollably for someone else; nowadays we all deal with unhealthy habits like these in life. The range of unhealthy habits is very large. Drinking an excessive amount of coffee, biting nails, or even things like excessive social media usage can be considered a questionable dependency! In other words, any daily practice that doesn’t support your goals or pushes you away from your values can be a toxic habit.

Although each habit is different in its own ways, at the core of all of them, we see some common components such as chemical dependency, behavioral patterns, and psychological factors that drive us to conform to these habits very frequently. But if we can approach changing any habit with these four key steps, we can put ourselves on the right path to change them permanently!

1-    Be specific about your goal 

When we are confused and especially on the edge because of the stress of changing a habit, we can easily be vague in terms of objectives with quitting. For example, when someone says “I am not going to drink after tonight”, they may actually mean “I am not going to drink for the next 10 days” or when someone says “I am not going to smoke again”, internally this may mean something like “I will only smoke occasionally in social environments”.

The problem is that when the goal is vague, it’s easier to get off track. After all, you don’t even know what you want in the first place! So be specific and firm! What is a realistic goal for you right now? Is it smoking fewer cigarettes? Is it smoking only on the weekends? As you approach your goal, you can know what obstacles stopped you or when you were successful.

Also, be realistic about your goals. Remember, you are a human just like everybody else and additionally, you may be vulnerable during this change. Most often, rather than quitting a habit altogether, tapering down can be a better option. What are your limits? And how can you challenge these limits without throwing yourself off?

2-    Identify the obstacles

Anytime we want to change a habit, the subconscious mind can try to avoid moving forward. Our minds like to repeat the same behaviors rather than spend energy on changing them. As a result, most likely, you will encounter some blocks as you try to stop the unhealthy habit.

This doesn’t mean that the only obstacles are going to stem from your mind. There could be many other obstacles such as negative life events, other goals you may have, or physical problems getting in the way. However, when we can recognize what’s giving us a hard time, we may be able to act on it and move around it regardless.

So, take a moment and identify your obstacles. Maybe write it on paper or try to recognize them during your meditation. Every day, reflect on what went well and what didn’t go as expected. What did you do great about quitting that makes you proud? Also, what struggles did you experience that made you doubt yourself?

3-    Know how urges/cravings work

As we work on changing habits, most likely we will experience cravings or urges in an attempt for the subconscious mind to keep us in the comfort zone. Have you ever found yourself right in front of the fridge contemplating one question: To give in to the craving or not to give in to the craving. 

Don’t worry, you are not the only one. And one simple knowledge can actually change the way you experience cravings: knowing how to surf the craving! If you pay attention to your urges, you can realize that urges start to develop slowly and they get more and more intense. The more intense they get, the more impatient you will feel. Finally, at the peak, many people decide to give in and fulfill the urge. However, on the flip side, if you actually resist the urge, right after the peak, the urge dies down and disappears. That’s it! That’s how simple it is!

Think of your urges just like the waves in the ocean. They will build up stronger and stronger, but if you don’t give into them, they will -they have to!- erode, and you will get distracted with something else and forget about the urge. As a result, the less you give in to the urge, the weaker and less frequent the subsequent urges will get. You will realize that you have so much more power over your urge! If you’d like to read more about how to surf your urges, you can also read my previous blog post about surfing cravings here.

4-    Replace it with something positive

Although toxic habits may seem like the negative parts of life, they actually fulfill something desperately needed physically or mentally. For some people this may be a feeling of relief or escape; for some others, habits can give feelings of reward or relaxation. No matter what the toxic habit is doing for you, it’s important to recognize the fulfilling emotion and replace the habit with something healthier but at the same time, that can fulfill the vital emotional needs.

For example, if you find that your toxic habit is in a way giving you your “me time” and a relaxing feeling, you can start to create space in your schedule to take time to do something that is equally healthy and just as relaxing.

These replacement habits can be small daily practices such as meditation, journaling, walking, or even breathing exercises. The point is, you learn to fulfill that emotion without the toxic habit.

Conclusion

Changing a habit may not be an easy process. Ultimately, our minds like to chase pleasure and avoid pain. However, always remember that there was a time in your life in which you were living happily without this habit. That should tell you that no matter how hard it may be or how many obstacles you may encounter if you are really done with this habit, you CAN change it!