How Can You Forgive Someone?

“It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody” – Maya Angelou

Forgiveness is an easy word to say but a hard thing to do. Everyone experiences at some point in their life an event, person, or something that they get stuck on for a reason. Whether they can forgive and let go or they can’t, is unknown in many cases.

According to many experts, all forgiveness is self-forgiveness. Clearly, we cannot change what another person thinks about us but we can always modify the way we perceive things.

When we hold powerful emotions such as anger, resentment, or jealousy towards someone, that means we are holding those emotions right inside, within. These emotions will only weigh us down, not the other way around. When we don’t forgive someone or something, we give them the power to control us. The control is done with the negative emotions.

Forgiveness allows the negative emotions to be released so that they won’t affect the subconscious mind anymore. Forgiveness does not mean to forget or be okay with what happened but rather, it simply means to release the control it has over you.

4 Steps for Forgiveness

Forgiveness may not be an easy process to get through. Some of us are even great at lying to ourselves by saying “I forgave it” but we still get triggered when we remember certain images, words or events. Forgiveness can take time and it settles inside as your subconscious mind makes sense out of what happened. However, there are some steps that can simplify the progress and help you get there quicker.

1-    Acknowledge

The first step towards success for almost anything is acknowledging. Identify all the injustices or hurt that may have been caused in your life. Determine what emotions arose due to these events. Was it anger? Was it frustration? It’s time to face these emotions and accept them as they are.

Notice how your perspective towards others or things may have changed following this event. Also, pay attention to how you feel about yourself in relation to this event. Be honest and bold with yourself. The key here is being non-judgmental and open.

2-    Change your decision

Think of the definition of forgiveness that you have in mind.

Now compare it with all the things that you’ve read in the first paragraph. Are there any similarities? According to the Greater Good Magazine published by Berkeley University, “ Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.”. This doesn’t mean that you condone, forget or deny the offense against you.

As you understand different definitions of forgiveness, do you think you are ready to forgive and let go? Now it’s time to make a conscious decision and move forward if you are ready!

3-    Change perspective

Until now you’ve been seeing everything from your perspective which is the victim's perspective in this case. Now turn the mirror to the other side and try to understand the offender’s point of view. It may be too hard to wrap your head around at first but take some time to put yourself into that person’s shoes. What led them to make those decisions? What was going on in their life? Work on building empathy and compassion.

Again, this is not to condone what has happened but to gain an insight that will eventually help you release and refocus on your own path.

4-    Understand and move forward

Remember, anyone can make a mistake. Actually, everyone has made mistakes and hurt others at some point. Think of a time when you were seeking someone else’s forgiveness. We are all humans and making mistakes is part of human nature. It was someone else this time, but it can also be you next time.

Also, keep in mind that every experience in life gives us a deeper understanding of ourselves and our environment. Keep your focus on what you’ve learned from this experience. How did this experience help you grow? What did you learn about life and yourself?

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Forgiveness Methods:

There is not one forgiveness practice that fits everyone. However, there are some techniques that have been found helpful by a number of people.

Self-hypnosis for forgiveness

Self-hypnosis is a self-improvement technique that combines meditative tools with hypnosis. During self-hypnosis, you may feel deeply relaxed, calm but also very focused on your mind, just like hypnosis! If you’d like to try self-hypnosis for forgiveness, you will have an opportunity to work through your emotions at your pace.

During self-hypnosis, the imagination and emotions are heightened. Therefore, imagining the person with kindness and compassion or focusing on releasing negative emotions can help you change perspective.

Self-hypnosis may not be as effective when self-limitations get in the way. If you realize that you cannot keep an objective point of view or emotions really blur your vision, it may be a good idea to ask for professional help. All in all, self-hypnosis is a great practice to start to forgive someone or something.

Hypnotherapy for forgiveness

Hypnotherapy is the ultimate tool to release emotions, memories, or repressed thoughts from the subconscious mind. During hypnosis, the person usually feels deeply relaxed and calm and very focused on the hypnotherapist’s voice. In this state, the mind’s filtration system will ease down, and exploring other perspectives will become easier than normal. 

During the hypnotic state, the hypnotherapist can use a variety of techniques to help with forgiveness. These can be techniques as commonly known as the chair technique that allows the person to resolve conflicts by imagining the person in a chair and speaking to them under hypnosis or they can be more personal techniques focusing on an emotional release or helping person cultivate compassion and kindness towards the offender.

In other words, the hypnotic state lays a foundation for more openness, acceptance, and incremental change within.

Mindfulness

Mindfulness is a technique that focuses on the person inside and out. Usually, during a mindfulness exercise, there is a deep focus on an object, thought, word, or breath. This focus helps to person to dissociate from toxic emotions and turn inwards for deeper understanding.

During mindfulness practice, people can process emotions and events easier, without holding judgment. Eventually, this can help them deeply understand the offender’s point of view and move on.

Ho‘oponopono Method

Ho’oponopono is a unique forgiveness technique which is also known as the Hawaiian forgiveness method. According to an article from Psychologytoday.com, the word Ho’oponopono comes from Ho’o (means “to make”) and pono (means “right”). The double pono means “doubly right” or being right with both self and others.

Ho’oponopono is a prayer for healing, forgiving, and forgiveness. By repeating a certain mantra, you focus on yourself and allow a deeper communication between the divine guidance and your spiritual being.

Final Words 

Forgiveness can be a long process and requires self-awareness. Although these steps may make it seem easier than it is, sometimes we may just need professional help to free ourselves from the past. In that case, don’t forget to be open and aware of the necessary support that can help you get through!