7 Common Self-Sabotaging Behaviors
Self-sabotage: getting in your own way of success
When it comes to achieving our goals, life already gives us lots of obstacles and hurdles to go through, right? So why do we engage in self-sabotaging behaviors in addition to all the difficulties that we already have?
The answer may not be as easy as you think. There are many reasons for chronic self-sabotage. In a nutshell, self-sabotaging behaviors initiate from the subconscious part of the mind; the part that holds our beliefs, emotions, and memories. Self-sabotaging behaviors are adaptation strategies that were designed to help us survive and be safe, by the subconscious mind.
Probably, the hardest part about self-sabotaging behaviors is that these behaviors are extremely hard to recognize. One can spend a lifetime wondering why they can never be successful, without realizing that it’s actually due to their self-sabotaging behaviors. Self-sabotaging behaviors are usually very common, everyday acts and thoughts.
Here are the most common self-sabotaging behaviors:
1- Procrastination
How many times have you found yourself saying “I will do that tomorrow” although you knew that completing the task would help you to get closer to your goals? We all procrastinate from time to time, but when it turns into an everyday habit, you will be moving further away from your goals.
Procrastination is one of the most common examples of self-sabotaging. It’s usually caused by fear of success or fear of failure.
It’s important to look at the value of the actions before identifying procrastination. Sometimes, we may just find the action irrelevant to our goals and that’s why we may procrastinate. However, if the action will support us in the long term, breaking the chain of procrastination may be essential to success.
2- Perfectionism
Perfectionism can be healthy when it’s a motivating force to accomplish tasks. However, when it’s extreme, it can be toxic as well.
Extreme perfectionists may find it hard to move forward or hard to take a step. As a result, they will wait until the “time is right”. If you often find yourself waiting on perfecting the circumstances or waiting for the best time, you may be dealing with perfectionism.
Eventually, perfectionism makes you postpone the successful outcome and chase an end goal that probably doesn’t even exist.
3- Indecisiveness
Indecisiveness sounds very simple, right? We all struggle with making decisions from time to time. However, if you constantly find yourself debating on finding the “right” choice, it will be really frustrating.
If you frequently have hard times making decisions, it may be caused by fearing the outcomes of your decisions or doubting yourself. Either way, not making a decision will result in staying stagnant and moving away from success.
4- Imposter syndrome
Although imposter syndrome is not a term defined in DSM (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Health Disorders), it is often used by psychotherapists. According to Psychology Today, people who suffer from imposter syndrome feel like they are not deserving of their achievements or high self-esteem, even at their successful moments.
Not believing in yourself may be a form of self-sabotage because it will lead to stopping yourself from moving forward and achieving success.
5- Binging
Whether it’s alcohol, sugar, or other substances, binging is a very destructive behavior overall. There are many different reasons for binging, and self-sabotage is just one of the strongest of them.
Binging will push you further away from your goals in many aspects. Lack of motivation, weight gain, sleep disturbance, or decrease in self-esteem is just a few results of binging. For example, although you want to lose weight, if you find yourself binge eating at night, you may be dealing with self-sabotaging behavior.
6- Passive aggressiveness
Passive aggressiveness is usually a trait that is picked up at young ages when the child cannot get the required attention from parents or fulfill their needs. It is a successful strategy to engage with parents as a child however, it won’t work as an adult and actually will affect your success negatively.
Passive aggressiveness leads to hurting self, more than others. People who communicate through passive-aggressiveness will not only block their own success but also push others away.
7- Toxic relationship patterns
Have you ever wondered why you are attracting similar toxic relationships in your life? Sabotaging yourself may be the answer that you are looking for.
As a relationship gets more intimate and bonded, it may awaken fear of losing the relationship or fear of emotional pain. This can apply to all kinds of relationships from intimate bonds to family relationships.
Often you may find yourself messing with something that works perfectly well! Constantly starting arguments, criticizing the partner, or withdrawing emotionally are just a few examples of sabotaging a relationship.
How to identify self-sabotage?
All of these behaviors that are stated above are very common, everyday behaviors, right? So how can we identify self-sabotage?
Thoughts are where everything starts. Usually, we allow our thoughts to direct our behaviors. Before you take an action, you can simply ask yourself “Is this a thought that will support my goals, or is this a negative self-sabotaging pattern?”
Examine, each of your thoughts very carefully and make sure that your actions and thoughts are in alignment with your long-term goals.
When to try hypnosis for self-sabotage?
According to many researchers and psychotherapists, the majority of self-sabotaging behaviors start during childhood and persist into adulthood. If you find that you cannot control your self-sabotaging behavior any longer, hypnotherapy can be a good option to explore.